Bat in the shower!

A few years ago I worked in Wales. It was absolutely gorgeous! The building was a 400 year old farmhouse and set in the middle of farmland, at the foot of Pen y Fan.

There was only one spot where I could get mobile phone reception, right slap bang in the centre of a window sill, and only if I balanced the phone on it's side! Other than that if I want to make a call or send a text I had to go for a little ten minute walk!

I had a bike, and it took about 15 mins to ride into the local village, and about an hour and half to ride back up the steep hill back!

Buses came by on the hour every hour, but there was no bus stop near by so you stood on the edge of the road and waved like a lunatic to get them to stop and pick you up! And, once you sat down someone would always start a chat with you. Bare in mind, I'm a London girl born and bred and the first few times that happened I was a tad weirded out!!

I lived and worked with two other people, and obviously all the people that came to stay, but it was myself, Cheese and Beef who were the main people there!

Sometimes because of the way days off fell, we would be there all on our lonesome, and not have any guests because it would have been silly!

I can honestly say there was only one time when I was terrified....... It wasn't the time I was in the building on my own for a couple of nights and a lone man came and tried to convince me to let him stay, calling through the windows

'Cooooome out, I promise I wont hurt you!!!'

Yeah mate, I've watched those horror films where the girl on her own lets the man in because he's cold, tired, hungry and only wants to sleep, and then he rips out her intestines with his bare hands!!

It wasn't the time when I'd gone on a little walk and after half hour of walking sprained my ankle and thought that there was no way I'd be able to get back.

And it wasn't the time when there was the biggest storm I'd ever seen, heard or felt in my entire life!

No....... It was the time when I was naked, in the shower and discovered that there was a bat in there with me!!!!!

How on earth did this happen I hear you ask?! Well..... I will tell you!

The barn that was adjacent to the farmhouse has just been converted, so me and Beef had been moved in there, very nice, bigger room and a nice new shower room.

We'd been there a few days and had settled in, and so far there were no mishaps at all. I had reached the end of a morning shift and toddled back to have a shower and then laze around because it was raining and I didn't fancy schlepping around the mountains!

So I went into the shower room, got undressed, took out my hearing aids, took off my glasses and put on my shower cap.

In I stepped and turned on the water, wishy washy washy wishy..... I turned round and glanced down.

'What the.......???' On my shampoo bottle there was a big brown lump! I couldn't see it properly as I didn't have my glasses on. My immediate thought was

'OH MY GOD............!!!!! Beef has poohed on my shampoo bottle!!!!!'

I have no idea WHY I thought Beef would do that, he hadn't done anything previously to make me think that he would, but..... It was my first thought and I felt disgusted and violated!!!

I then thought to myself, not only would Beef NOT do such a thing, but there was no smell so it couldn't be a pooh!!!

So, I crouched down to get a proper look at whatever it was, having not the foggiest as to what it could be! I leaned in closer, I didn't want to touch whatever it was until I knew what it was! I leaned in closer still when all of a sudden.....

It stretched out it's arms/wings, reared back, pulled back it's mouth and showed me fangs the size of tombstones (but much sharper!), snarled at me in a menacing manner and clawed in my general direction!

A BAT!!!!! A GREAT BIG BLOODY BAT THE SIZE OF A HORSE IN THE SHOWER WITH ME!!!!!

I screamed.....

'AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!' It was a high pitched, blood curdling, terrified scream of a London bint who had only ever seen bats on nature programs before.

I leapt out of the shower, grabbed a towel as I ran out of the shower room, slammed the door shut, ran into my room, got my key, ran back and locked the door shut!!!

I then ran out of the building in just a towel and shower cap and ran sans glasses to the other building where Beef was! Barefooted and not really able to see I stubbed my toe, fell over in pain and cut my knee.

So when I burst into the reception area I gave everyone a shock, and by everyone I mean Beef and the group of about ten ramblers who were booking in for the night!

There I was, in a towel, with a shower cap on, bloody knee, hopping because my toe really hurt, screaming far louder than I would have normally screamed because I didn't have my aids in

'THERE'S A MASSIVE BAT IN THE SHOWER!!!!! IT TRIED TO BITE ME!!!!! HHHHHEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!! SORT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!'

And of course, because I was slightly panicked, my saaarf east lahndahn accent was coming out far stronger than it normally does!

AND I was just screaming this in the general direction of the people because I couldn't SEE Beef!

The group of ramblers must have wondered what on earth they'd let themselves in for, and if the local mental hospital had had an escapee in the past few hours!!!

I went running through reception to the back and sent Beef to sort it out.

Of course it wasn't all that big, or scary looking, it was according to Beef quite cute and no bigger than a jam jar lid.....!